Relationship Manifesto pt 3- The Couples Edition

Hello Hello,

I hope you've all been enjoying the year 2013 so far. Last night, I fell asleep early and got some much needed rest because my weeks are truly becoming hectic or maybe I'm just a bit unprepared and it seems hectic. Anyways I'm still working on my organizational skills and trying my hardest to keep productive in the year 2013. Afterall, it will be my best year yet.

We're 12 days in and I hope some of us are still motivated in keeping our resolutions. I just wanted to use this as the conclusion of my relationship manifesto and resolutions series. My aim here is to inspire others to work on building the relationships in all aspects of their lives. Today, I've shifted my focus away from the Singletons and moved on to the Couples Nations. I decided to this because as couples we tend to get complacent and take the other for granted. Especially after all the dopamine in our brain that has been activated is subdued and we are no longer on a new relationship high or buzz. Yes yes this is what happens once the honeymoon phase is over and all the annoying habits come to life and you just want to shake the bajeebies out of your partner. That being said, I think it's important that we make a conscious effort to keep the romance alive. If you ask any successful couples out there and coming in the future I hope to do a few interviews with some I know or who are recommneded to me. They will tell you it is never easy; there will be good times, bad times and times when you just want to have some me time. Either way it's just good to know that after everyday, you have that person to talk to, run to, love you and just everything else you need. And I'm here to assist you with how :) I'm such a martyr. Here's the list:

1. Listen

Oh how anti-climatic right? I build up this awesome anticipation and the first thing I say is listen. Well contrary to popular belief this is one on the biggest complaints that many couples have, it tends to go along the line of communications. With this modern technological world, we spend so much time on the phone, internet, computer, watching tv or whatever seems to catch our eyes and forget to listen. Not to mention, it's human nature to be so self absorbed that all we want to hear is topics on ourselves. No this won't do at all. Listen and share. Be an active listener to your partner. Share your day and listen to theirs. Hear about each other's perspective. It won't always be what we want to hear but as the saying goes we have one mouth and two ears so we should listen more than we talk. Set aside a few minutes to talk everyday and see how much things improve. Trust me I know I'm guilty of being an uber chatterbox so it's something we can work on together. :)

2. Spend more quality time

The older we get, the more life comes in our way. Someone once told me that we make time for the things we care about the most and while I agree, I think sometimes we get very distracted. Especially when it comes on to people. As children we think our parents and family members will never leave us so as teenagers we spend more time with friends than our families. Then the unthinkable happens and one of our family members dies and it dawns on us that people can live willingly or unwillingly. That's what happens in our relationships. We are so comfortable by their presence that we forget that they can leave if they feel unappreciated or if life takes them away from us. So my suggestion is to set aside a special day or time to spend with the people you care about the most. It could be a simple 10 minute conversation daily or dinnertime chatter or a phone call to say hey what's up. And this isn't just with your significant other but with your family and friends as well who tend to get neglected when we have relationships. Call grandma and ask how she is or message that friend who studies abroad or spend some alone time with the lover. Things which we all need to do and master. Time waits for no man.

3. Rekindle the romance

This goes right along with neglect and spending more quality time. Remember the reasons you got together with the other in the first place. Snuggle more, hold hands, and kiss randomly in the street. Have adventures together. Stop being boring and head out to do something new. Go to a dance class, learn a new language, take a random day trip or even exercise together. Plan a candle light dinner, have a picnic date, go stargazing, give a relaxing massage, cook dinner or even do some volunteering. Just go out and do something together and rekindle the romantic fire you rode on in the beginning. Just set a side a special 'couple' time. It can be day, night, afternoon or evening. Give random small gifts year-round that keep those intimate feelings going and strengthen the bond. It acknowledges and establishes that your romantic life is important to you. But don't make it routine. Spice it up a little ever so often. Just remember to never stop having fun with each other and never stop caring. People change and their interests may differ so the more time you spend with your partner, the more you learn about them and this can only enhance your relationship. A way to make it stick is you can take turns choosing something special and surprise the other, make it a game even.

4. Exercise forgiveness and say you're sorry

It's easy to be right but it's not so easy to share forgiveness. First of all in arguments we should always fight fair. Don't bring up the past mistakes as a sure proof that the other is wrong and you are right. Don't use words like 'You never' or 'You always'. It doesn't work. All it leads to more contempt and anger from the other side. I know it's hard to have your wits about you when you're heated and upset but try your best to be polite and avoid negatives like name calling and other forms of verbal abuse. Forget being right and try keeping the peace. We are on the same team and trying to force your hand won't help. It only makes matters worse and leaves you all miserable in the end.

5. Accept all flaws and faults

No one is perfect. Not you. Not I. No one of this planet is perfect. We all have something that we do that annoys the other. Is it really worth the silly argument that ensues? I mean chances are they had the same flaws and faults when you met them and nothing much has really change. When you enter into a relationship, you've made the conscious decision to accept all of the other person. Both the good and the bad and even more the in between. A gentle word turneth away wrath so a soft nudge is a more powerful reminder than an uproar. Just remember you choose who you wanted to be with so you need to accept the complete person and not the rose-coloured idea of the person. This is NOT THE STEPFORD WIVES.

6. Spend some 'ME' time and some 'Other People' time

When we're in a relationship we tend to neglect the other important people in our lives. Our families and friends and other persons who have played important parts in our lives. We can also lose sight of our own identities as we take on the identity of the couple rather than the identity of a single person. It's great to have someone to lean on through all the bad stuff but co-dependence is not cute in the least bit. Be confident to be a couple and exist within our own lives. Make time for family and friends. Have a monthly date with our friends to work on our "Frientimacy" or have a family game night and just hang with our family. Take up a hobby or craft even that is just exclusive to you and enjoy it as your special thing. We are much more appealing when we have our own lives and don't depend on our partners for everything.

7. Share the love

Did your partner do something amazing yesterday? Did they do something small that wasn't required? How about take up the slack when you couldn't? Now when's the last time you said thank you for anything that they have done for you? It's easy to point out when someone has done something wrong but do you tell them about what they did right? Do you compliment them? Tell them that you like a new outfit or haircut or a little change they made? How often do you take the time to say thank you for a job well done? If you haven't been doing any of these things you should start now. Experts are even claiming there is research that shows that the biggest difference between happy and unhappy couples is that the happy pairs express gratitude for each other. They claim that expressing thanks creates a feedback loop within your relationship; your partner feels good, therefore you feel good, and so the cycle continues. I'm not sure about how true any of that is but I know one thing is certain everyone loves a compliment. It brightens their moods, improves their days and inspires them to want to be better always. Just try it. Every once in a while randomly tell your partner thanks for something small they did or compliment them about something you like about them and it doesn't have to be anything physical. It could be something as simple as they always remember your favourite drink and order it for you or that they stopped in the middle of their day just to call and find out how you were. It's time we re-introduce the intimate and simple moments into our lives.

8. Revel in the moment

Time has this way of creeping on us and passing us by all too quickly. I mean as I write this I have a whole heap of neglected work that I need to catch up on but I love you guys so I thought I'd stop by and share a little that's on my mind. I mean I did promise that I would deliver this soon. Anyways back to the matter at hand. We need to cherish the little moments and live free. Let go of all the doubt and stop obsessing over every detail or who is more successful than you are and just relax. Breathe. We just can't let life pass us by. What's the point in working forever and not enjoying life's little nuggets and pleasures. That makes us no different than modern day slaves. Take a random day trip together and see where it takes you. Appreciate everything that you have now and seek out more new adventures in life. It may not turn out as planned but hey you'll always have a new story and no one can ever call you boring or at least I hope not. All I'm saying is Live A Life That You Love, You Can Laugh About And You Can Pass On For Generations To Come.

We make personal resolutions every year and those are important but let's try this new type of resolution this year and spend a little time cultivating all our relationships. Strengthen our links to our family, friends and significant other. Enrich our lives and multiply all our blessings. We all deserve to be happy and have amazing relationships. I know I do. 

It's time for 'La Dolce Vita 2013'

What are your relationship resolutions this year? Mine are to show more gratitude to all in my life, to seek out more adventure with all those I love and on my own, to listen more and to cherish each moment with the ones I love. 

Thanks for reading. Leaving a comment below and tell me what you think.


Much Love,

Nella

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