Well gentlefolks, I'm back with part 2 of the top dating mistakes that people make. And since I no longer have exams I can do this without any form of guilt. Before I go on can I ask you all a couple questions? How do you like my articles thus far? Do you have any suggestions on topics or ideas you would like me to discuss? Or any suggestions to make it better? Your input would be valued. On a different note…..back to the matters on hand. The dog-eat-dog world of dating is filled with many do's and don'ts for success. And I am here to give you a mere remaining 5 of 10 of the top mistakes made in dating. It is important that one remembers that each person is different and as a result different things and actions may be deal breakers in this dating world so pay attention to these and take your time when getting to know a person. Dating is a learning process and in this process you should learn not only about the other person but also yourself. You should understand who you are, your likes and dislikes and what you find important and value in a relationship. This is the only way you will find what you are looking for when it comes to dating and relationships.
6. Obsessing over details. Now in my opinion is that a worrywart will always be a worrywart. They can't help themselves, it's in their nature. And this is fine. Once you know your character trait, you can work towards making sure that it does not hamper your growth and development. So what makes being a worrywart an issue? When it starts to transcend into your daily life and relationships. You worry about whether or not the person is going to call when they get home, worry about what the other said, worry about if they meant what they said, worry about how long until they find someone else, worry about whether ir not your parents will accept the person and if not, how will you balance the two aspects of your life and so on and so forth. This worrying mentality can seriously hamper any relationship. It takes away from your attractive appeal and let's face it it's a mood killer. There is no use worrying about every aspect of a relationship. If a relationship is meant to be it will be. Que sera sera. Trust in the Lord and the choices he makes. Know that he will guide you to the one.
7. Avoidance of intimacy. The idea of intimacy that I'm referring to is not leaning towards the sexual aspect. I'm not saying to run around kissing and doing the nasty will as many persons as possible. Actually I advise against it. Relationships have become too focused in the physical and not enough on the personality or the overall vibing between you and the person. The avoidance of intimacy I am referring to is the ever growing fear of relationships and making a commitment. This fear was usually attributed to men. If you ever watched the movie 'The Bachelor' well I think that's what it was called, we saw the image of the wild mustang that gets lassoed into marriage. However, this fear is growing in women as well. As a result of this fear, many of us subject ourselves to the 80/20 rule or possibly 60/40. Much of this can be attributed to the current society we are living in. With high divorce rates and the high idealism the we attach to finding the perfect mate, many of us may pass up a 'good catch' and undervalue a great partner because we fear that we may be settling or we may just fear rejection, being hurt or the loss of a relationship that we may not even put the effort in the relationship from the get go. All I can say is 'You never know, if you never try.'
*The 80/20 rule refers to how much effort one puts into a relationship. The aim is not to put too much effort into the relationship, so if the relationship fails you do not get hurt.
8. Rush in, rush out. I'm sure many of us have met those eager beavers. Those overexcited persons who rush into every situation head first and never seem to slow down and think about the possible consequences and repercussions. These reckless lovers always seem to fall in love more quickly than the rest of us and so in, so out. Soon after they profess their undying love, they are out of love (*snap*) just like that. I'm often told my friends that I thought it was unhealthy that some people feel like they always need to be in a relationship. They don't feel complete unless they have someone as their boyfriend or girlfriend. So much so that many tend to have others on stand-by or they are actively looking for someone else whilst in a relationship. Then are those who start planning the wedding from the first date. Both of these are two sides of the same dating mistake coin. Getting overly involved too soon is a big red flag. It can lead to high expectations and great disappointments. In every relationship you need to pace yourself and just try to enjoy and cherish the moments spent together.
9. Not being honest about your needs. It's a great thing to have a positive attitude and to optimistic. What isn't great is when that optimism makes you delusional or even brush issues under the rug. Pretending everything is peachy and right as rain is not ok nonetall. Eventually everything will surface and all that makes for is an even bigger explosion. Assertiveness (not to be confused with being bossy, demanding or domineering) is an essential skill for any mature relationship. One needs to be able to active voice their opinions and concerns to their partner. I believe we are at the age where we should be able to speak to each other about pretty much anything and it not turn into a shout match or a battle of the voices. You need to clearly and confidently speak your needs to your partner; it's the only way they can be met. Being tactful and direct is the quickest path to relationship success.
10. Sacrificing too much to get the relationship. You give give give and what do you get in return? Bupkiss! Nada! Zilch in return! There are many of us who our nature is to put others needs above our own. We are so busy self-sacrificing that we fail to see we are not getting anything in return. There is a word commonly used to describe a person like this, 'DOORMAT'. Just remember when all you do is bend over backwards, in time you will crick your back or even get a spinal injury. Do not undervalue yourself and end up in a situation where you are sacrificing yourself, your needs or your character in order to snag a mate. It's never worth it to lose yourself for ANYONE. A healthy relationship is one between two equals, both giving and receiving in reciprocal fashion. Remember every relationship has its kinks and road bumps but the right one will accept you for who you are; but if the problems outweigh the benefits then it's probably best to slow down, cut it loose or seek third-party help.
Well ladies and gents we have arrived at the end of the common dating mistakes. There may be others but I pretty much covered the basics and the most essential issues of the dating world. Take careful note of yhis advice. It may not be the gospel, but it's some pretty useful stuff. As usual, at the end of any discussion I like to leave you with some wise words from those who have come before me or just a wise saying I may have heard someone in my life say. Today I leave you with 'Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand. ~Emily Kimbrough'. Smile and the whole world smiles with you. Enjoy your day. Toodles!!!
Comments, feedback and suggestions are welcomed.
Lonely Hearts Club!!!
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