How to deal with rejection

 Rejection! Who hasn’t experienced that horrible feeling of being rejected? Unfortunately, in life, we are often judged on what we do, how we look or what we say, which leads to either being accepted or rejected, valued or discarded.

 Rejection is something that happens to all of us at one point in our lives. The feeling of being rejected may come through a look, a sigh, a comment, gesture, criticism or even silence- like when you apply for a job and you do not get a reply.  It may come in various forms and it may come from different people but the end results are usually the same……..someone is hurt.

 The feeling that emerges after one is rejected is usually one of low self-worth and lack of confidence in one’s abilities. The deep feeling of being of less value can bring great emotional pain and heartache. The feeling of not measuring up or being good enough can produce a low self-esteem, inferiority and eventually lead to depression.

 You're devastated, of course, and you may even contemplate throwing in the towel and calling it quits. Whether it's your first or hundredth rejection doesn't seem to make it any easier. But there are ways of coping with rejection that can speed you through some of the bumpier parts. So before you decide to do something drastic like jump off a cliff or become a deviant of society, try these simple tips to help you cope with your rejection and in the end you will probably feel a whole lot better.

 1)    Address the pain.

There is no use hiding away in your bed and wallowing in self pity. You’re definitely going to feel a great deal of pain after rejection but it is best if you embrace it rather than hide from it. Rejection hurts but you need to face it, fix it and move on.

2)      Avoid needless anguish.

Sometimes you need to know when to keep fighting and when to move on from the current situation. Just relax and let it go and spend your time on more important matters or people in life.

3)     Keep occupied and turn the negative into a positive.

As good as it is to face rejection, it is also important that you do not dwell needlessly on it. This can intensify the feeling of pain and rejection and is detrimental to your recovery. Stay occupied. Go out with friends, family or pick up a new activity. Not only does it help you mentally but you may have a life-changing experience as well.

 The key thing to remember is that everyone faces rejection. It’s a part of life and relationships. You may feel the burn of the rejection for a few days, weeks or even months to come, but when you keep focused on your goals and maintain a positive outlook on life, you are bound to bounce back and be all the better for it. Learn from your rejection and speak to those who have gained success in the area you wish to be successful in. It will all be ok in the end. 

If you have no confidence in self, you are twice defeated in the race of life. With confidence you have won even before you have started. -Marcus Garvey

 

                     

 

 Comics from: Fun facts friday

Teens for Tomorrow-Teen Hero: Rushell Ferarah

Hello ladies and gents here is another edition of the ‘Just didn’t make it’ files. It’s a bit old about October 2009 It was written but I still think it was a good piece and that we should always honour those of us who excel as teens. And since the Prime Minister’s Youth Awards is coming up later this month, I thought there is no better time to share it with the world than now. By the way, I tweaked it a bit to make it relevant so the information in the piece is current. So here goes:

Teens for Tomorrow-Teen Hero: Rushell Ferarah

It’s not every day that we meet an outstanding teenager who is as devoted and dedicated to service to their school, community and nation at large, as is Rushell Ferarah. With a supportive mother by her side, cheering her on, the eighteen year old past student of the St. Andrew’s High School for Girls, has achieved a spectacular feat having risen to the status of Governor of the Key Club Jamaica District. Now this young lady sets her eyes on making her mark on Circle K International.

Here at As told by Nella we enjoy celebrating the spectacular achievements of teenagers just like you, so is it a wonder that we had to have a chat with this remarkable young lady?

Teenage: What is the driving force that leads you to wanting to serve others or to even join an organization such as Key Club and further Circle K?

Rushell Ferarah (RF): I am a very self-motivated person. And what motivates me to want to help others and do community service is knowing that even when you believe or feel that you have major problems in your life, just going out and seeing that there are others with more and worse problems than you and the fact that you can help and make a difference in their lives is a great feeling. A feeling I enjoy and through Key Club and Circle K as the vehicles, I have been afforded the opportunity to be that agent of change I wish to be.

Teenage: What was your role as Governor?

RF: As Governor, it was my job to basically run the District. Even though there are many Key Clubs across the island, I was given the responsibility, along with the other members of my executive body, to bring clubs together, inform the clubs of all the projects being organized in the District and to organize District events whereby key clubbers island wide can interact and work towards a common goal. So you could say I was the C.E.O. of the District.

Teenage: How was your experience as the Governor of Key Club?

RF: It was been fun. I had a lot of new and interesting experiences, but I must admit it was very challenging and it required a lot of effort.

Teenage: How do you balance your time?

RF: Well it is first important to note that you should not burden yourself by taking on more than you can handle. Do not stretch yourself thin. Therefore, it is important that you identify the things that you really want and need to do and organize your time accordingly.

Teenage: What kind of advice do you have for teens who wish to make a difference in the world?

RF: Making a difference is a lot simpler than it may seem. You don’t have to do anything big or extravagant like hosting a nationwide charity event. Making a difference can be as simple as helping an old lady across the street or going to a senior citizen’s home and having a conversation with one of the residents or even saying good morning and asking what’s wrong with someone who may seem a bit sad or frustrated. You never know how much you can change someone’s day or possibly even life by just being their friend.

Teenage: Who would you say is your biggest role model?

RF: Well there are a lot of persons I really admire, but I would say my mother. She is a very big part of my life and has been a tremendous inspiration to me.

Teenage: And lastly, what is your ultimate goal in life?

RF: To be happy!!!

There you have it folks, a young person dedicated to serve. There are many like her out there and I would like to praise all of them for their efforts and to encourage them to keep up the good work. Too often we complain of what we lack, not realizing that many of us have it better off than others in the world. So I also would like to encourage others of you to do the same and be a catalyst of the change that we need to see in the world.

‘I thought I had it bad when I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.’

                               


                  

Collecting seashells

Walking along the shoreline
On a warm sunny day

Collecting seashells
On the sand where you lay


A seashell for you
For the ones we love
And one for me
For the loves we've lost


A seashell for him
For the ones we hold dear
And one for her
For those both far and near


Each seashell represents a journey
A long travel with a destination unknown
A history that tells a story
A story so important yet untold


Each seashell is a timeline
Of an important past
Of an important journey
Of an important treasure
Of any important discovery


Blessed be the journey
Of the travelling seashell
Blessed be the thousand miles
We all endure


One foot in front of the other
Our voyage begins
Left, right, left, right
Each step a reminder of the past
And a trip closer to the future


So Goodbye my beloved
This is the end
I'll collect seashells
Until we meet again

 

How to ask someone out!

                                                                               

Good Day Faithful Readers and Followers,

Well faithful readers I’ve decided to give you a treat today. I know it seems like I’ve been neglecting my romantic advice section and sad to say I have. I’m sorry the muse had me in a poetic mood (check out my poetry posts and notes) but never fear the romancing and loving is back! Wham! Bam! And thank you ma’am! So what’s next on the agenda in the romance department? Well consider this scenario: You’re a single gal or guy and you’re out at a party, club, dinner with friends or another place of social gathering and you see this good-looking person that you would like to meet up with and possibly even date. What do you do?

a)      Do you go over and say ‘What’s cooking good looking?’ or ‘I’ve lost my phone number can I have yours’ or something along those lines? You’re bold, brash and determined

b)      Do you try to find something in common with the person or find a friend to introduce and then go over and strike up casual conversation? You’re calm, collected and tactical

c)       Or do you admire from afar but never dare to venture across the room? You’re shy, timid and maybe even a bit nauseous

Well if you’re more like me then a) would certainly NOT be your answer. You may consider b) as an option, but your most likely mode of action is c). Whereas, I do not get nauseous or any kind of ailments; I must admit that I am a bit timid in the approach. Yes I know it’s hard to believe. Nella? Shy? You must be kidding! But it’s true, I, like many others around the world are rather timid and shy when it comes on to approaching someone we are attracted to but are unfamiliar with. So what do we do? What’s the best approach? Well logical the best approach to the situation would be b) but let’s face it when it comes to love logics is never enough. They say ‘Love is blind’ but I think it’s blind, deaf, lame, sick, ill, every single thing if you get what I mean. Love is irrational, unreasonable and unfounded. Love and relationships makes up some of the most illogical beings on the planet and God love us for it! However, despite the illogical nature of love, one must admit that taking a logical approach to our relationships is a good basis for our overall success. So that is where we will begin. So how do you approach someone and ask that person out on a date? Well follow these helpful tips and hopefully success will come to you.

1)      Take the initiative. This is what I like to call the Nike Approach, ‘Just Do it’. Muster up the courage and go over to the person you wish to meet. Unfortunately, many persons are too afraid to walk up to someone they're interested in and ask them out. Take matters into your own hands. Walk up to the person slowly but DO NOT creep them out, and introduce yourself. Even if you already know the person relatively well, still walk up to the person and try to make small talk.

2)      Make small talk. Start by saying “Hi” or “Hey” and ask a question or give a compliment. Break the ice by commenting on something he/she's wearing or saying something about the place or event you're at. Just try to get him/her to feel comfortable around you. It can be scary, but it's really pretty simple. Also, pay attention to what the person is saying so that when he/she asks you something, or stops talking, you can continue the conversation intelligently.

3)      Make eye contact. While the two of you are talking, make eye contact and try to hold it for just a little longer than you normally would-just a second or two, not too long. If he/she makes eye contact back, he/she's probably interested in you. Take notice of eye contact, smiling, laughter, and enthusiasm in responses.

           

4)      Commence flirting. Flirt a little! Relax, crack a joke, and break the touch barrier. This can mean touching lightly on the arm, for example, or laughing at their jokes. Just be playful and communicate that you're interested. Sometimes you can flirt from afar and entice the person to come over to you. Compliment them! For example you could say something like, "I love your shirt." Or “You have beautiful eyes.” If he/she seems to be flirting, flirt back. Keep working at it until you're at full on flirt mode. Try not to do this if he/she's extremely busy, but at the same time, don't let the opportunity to talk to the person pass you by just because you're nervous. If he/she seems receptive when you introduce yourself, keep on talking to him. (And hey if you’re successful, the person may flip the switch and even ask you out!)

5)      Ask the person non-intrusive questions about themselves, such as what kinds of things they like to do, what their favorite kind of food is, or if they like to play sports. By asking harmless little questions you can find out more about the person to determine if you really want to ask them out, and you might find out whether or not they are single. You can also set up the conversation to ask the person out or at least to get their contact information to start communicating and ask them out at a later date. Things like facebook, msn messenger, and even bb messenger have been quite helpful in closing the communication gap.

                  

6)      Ask them out. Once you find something you both have in common, ask if he/she'd like to do it together sometime. Do NOT just rush up to the person and say the words or ask a friend to ask him/her out for you! Guys and girls hate that. It is embarrassing. If you don't succeed in finding something you have in common, you might not really find him/her that interesting, but if you want to take a chance, just let him/her know that you'd like to hang out with him/her again. Try these:

o   "Hey, why don't you come to the movies with me this weekend?" (It doesn't just have to be the movies - it can be anything you're interested in, and that you think they would enjoy too).

o   You could try "what's your favorite ice cream flavor?" then continue the conversation and offer to treat the person with some.

o   Another good way to ask is "I heard about this movie, _______. What do you think about it?" If he/she says they think it looks good, ask if they would like to go with you to see it. If they ask "as in a date?" say yes.

• Another good way of asking is just by saying "I was wondering if you would maybe want to go to a play this Saturday night. I think it would be fun if we both went together." Remember it can be anything else you two may enjoy.

Now I know it may not be as easy as the steps listed above but remember, ‘Nothing ventured, nothing gained!’ And consider things this way: If the person says no, at least they know you are interested and may get to want to know you more. If the person says yes, success in yours and you can plan where and when you will go out, and don't forget to have fun. If the person is a bit ify, you can use the opportunity to try to get to know them a bit better and hopefully become closer and maybe another time you will become successful. The point is you will never know if you don’t try. And if it just so happens you are turned down, then you should not feel bad, you tried and you’ve still got moxy kid! As they say, ‘There are plenty other fish in the sea” though I prefer to say, “There are more cookies in the jar”. Asking someone out is no easy feat, especially when you’re a little shy, but remember to just be yourself, relax and have fun with it. Thank you for reading my ramblings. Enjoy the rest of your day.

~Nella~

Comments, Feedback and Suggestions are welcomed!!!

Note: Some of this article was taken from other sources and I placed my personal spin and add my own comments to it.

The Biggest Loser-Take one

                                                                 

               So the show The Biggest Loser on NBC started its new season tonight. The Biggest Loser Couples. Awesome!!!! This season is focus mainly on obese family members on the quest for weight loss success and they always look great at the end. There was a twist at the beginning however where 5 teams had the option of choosing the unknown and those persons get 4 weeks immunity as well. While the other 11 teams remain on the ranch and train with the weight loss trainers Bob Harper and Jillian Michaels.

               Now this show has always been my inspiration for my weight loss goals and dreams and has really help me keep fit throughout out the past difficult year of 2010. I must admit however that every year I look at the show and I wonder how do persons allow themselves to reach that magnitude? It always baffles me. I mean I know life is hard and I understand time management may be an issue in your life. I mean the past year (well the later part like around October) was difficult to maintain my earlier fitness revolution and head to the gym but I tried to balance the missed gym dates and aerobics classes with proper eating and relatively good nutrition (RELATIVELY). Now I’m not bashing these people because it takes guts to try and turn your life around at that stage, I’m just trying to speak to those of us who have not reached as far and to motivate those who have to try and do better and try to find some time to get healthier. It's not just about the media's idea of beauty and fashion, it's about your health and wellness. Your longevity, your family, your friends and most importantly your life. Your body is a temple and you should treat it as such. And as for me, I’m still on my get fit journey and I think I will start a weekly log on Tuesdays when the show airs. I’ll show my weigh ins (not like how they do it on the show, I'll take a pick of my scale or make a small video of me stepping on the scale and seeing my current weight but that's where I draw the line) and I may even do a video log about how I feel after each weigh in. 2011 is mine! My time to shine! So with proper nutrition, exercise and a health state of mind I hope to be a fitter me than before. That’s my ultimate health goal, TO BE FIT, NOT FAT! It’s too easy to put a number value on your life and weight, and forget the other aspects of health (like mental wellness, social wellness, emotional  wellness etc.). That’s why FITNESS and HEALTH is my goal ALWAYS. Happy days to you all and thank you for reading my ramblings, Enjoy the rest of your day.

~Nella~

 

My Guiding Lights- Bob and Jillian

                 The Hostess with the Mostest-Alison Sweeny ('Sammie' from 'Days of Our Lives')

For those of you who are not familiar with the show, here's the link:The Biggest Loser

The Do's and Don'ts of being single!!!

1) Practice Your Dating Skills

"None of us is born knowing how to be in a relationship. Malcolm Gladwell, in his best-selling book Outliers, argues that virtually every skill can be mastered, if it's practiced for 10 years. He writes: 'The tennis prodigy who starts playing at six is playing in Wimbledon at 16 or 17. The classical musician who starts playing the violin at four is debuting at Carnegie Hall at 15 or so.' View being single as practice for being in a relationship. Don't expect to have the skills to be in a relationship right away."

2) Be Prepared to NOT Be Single for an Evening
"Do carry a toothbrush, toothpaste and condoms (I don't advise anyone to have sex! Abstinence!) in your purse. You never know what the night has to offer!"

3) Learn from the Mistakes (and Successes) of Others
"Do be interested. Listen to others and you'll be amazed by what you learn (about dating)."

4) Put Yourself Out There
"Don't feel silly striking up a conversation with a stranger. The only way to meet people is to talk to them — so say hello! Whether it's a friend's older brother, the waiter at your local restaurant or even a cute guy in the park, people are generally more receptive than you think to a friendly greeting. To start the conversation, ask him a question."

5) Dress Like You're Not Single (Especially Lingerie-Wise)
"Do wear sexy underwear. Who cares if you're the only one who sees it? The sex appeal it gives you will ooze through, and you'll feel super sexy and kind of powerful, too. Same goes for cute nightgowns to bed."

6) Dating Someone Won't Change Your Entire Life
"Don't look for someone to complete you … you're the only one who can do that."

7) Stake Out a Good Spot for Dude-Spotting
"Do be a regular—at a bar or restaurant, coffee shop, etc. It's a great way to meet new people."

8) Enjoy Your Life Just as It Is, Right Now
"Do spend time dating yourself. Take yourself to dinner, spend the day enjoying your own company, pop into a museum alone and sit down and have a glass of wine by yourself. Too many women are afraid they'll look pathetic, but in reality a woman who does what she wants to do when she wants to do it looks confident (read totally sexy) to the opposite sex."

9) Be Open to Taking a Friendship to the Next Level
"Don't rule out dating close friends — especially those who might have let it slip that they're attracted to you. There's always the looming dread of jeopardizing your friendship, but I've learned that these are often the most successful, since there is no cheap pretense of seduction — you can feel secure knowing that he likes you for who you really
are."

10) You Never Know What Romance May Be in Store for You
"Do remember that your life's plan is not written in stone. It's written on paper that can be ripped up. Be open to new people and events that weren't in the plan."

Same basic advice for males just change gender where applicable.

How to look good in photos

            Giselle Bundchen, Adriana Lima, Tyra Banks, Naomi Campbell, Januel McKenzie, Tyson Beckford and Antonio Sabato Jr. What do all these famous phenomenons have in common? They all look positively amazing in photographs. As supermodels, they have made millions of dollars from strutting their stuff in designer outfits and taking wonderful pictures for magazines, billboards, and advertisement campaigns. Do you wish to rival these superstars and look absolutely fabulous in photographs? Well, never fear, Nella is here! And I’m here to help you.

           

Often times, it is those of us who lack confidence in our body images or who feel that we are not very photogenic, who criticize every photograph that we are in. In doing so we tend to be excluded and forgotten from wonderful memories, as we are not captured in the moment and even when we do decide to or are forced to take photos, we are often lost in the crowd. So you recognize that there’s a problem. What on earth do you do now? Just follow these tips and you are sure to see an improvement in the pictures you are captured in.

Warning: Following these tips may lead to wonderful pictures!

1)   The first step in improving your photographs is to find out why exactly you look bad in pictures. Look at the previous pictures of yourself and pictures of other persons who you think look great in pictures, and identify why they look good and you look not so good. Some things that may ruin a picture include pimples, blemishes, zits, bad clothing or hairstyle, squinted or closed eyes, and an unnatural or bad smile. Look for signs of these and others when inspecting your photographs.

2)   Once you have identified a problematic feature, the next thing to do is to practise. If you feel very uncomfortable in front of a camera, the best thing to do is to practise in front of a mirror or a camera if available. Find free time to sit and pose, and decide what positions you look best in, what is your good side/bad side and what way you want to smile. You can start small and practice smiling and facial expressions in the mirror first, and once you feel you have mastered it, you can move to being in front of a camera.

3)   Oy oy oy! I’m about to take your photo! If you still feel self-conscious before taking a picture, take some time to get comfortable. Get a mirror and check yourself out or ask an honest friend for his/her opinion. Check your clothes, fix any hair that is out of place, powder your nose and/or put on a little make-up, if you must. (Note: Do not put on too much make-up. No one wants to look like a clown in the picture and trust me the camera will show it). Do whatever you feel will make you happy with the outcome of the photograph.

4)   Another word to the wise is to not eat anything before you take a picture that will stain or get stuck in your teeth. The appearance of unwanted ‘guests’ in your teeth can ruin anyone’s day and any great photo. Also, eating a heavy meal (e.g. bread, pasta or pastries) right before a picture tends to result in your stomach kind of bulging out or you may even get sick.

5)   And finally, the most important thing you can do to look great in a snapshot is to smile. Flash on that 100 watt smile and show those pearly whites. The perfect smile, not too big or too small, is the final ingredient for the perfect photograph recipe.

These tips can be used anytime you are taking a picture, from group settings to your yearbook or class picture. Looking good in pictures make us feel more confident about ourselves, not only about pictures but about other areas of our lives. Just remember not to pressure yourself too much to look good, and spend a fortune on your hair, clothes or make-up.