Holiday Traditions- Boxing Day

            In many countries the day after Christmas is greeted with another holiday tradition, known as Boxing Day. Though we celebrate it, there are many of us that are unsure about the significance of Boxing Day and why we celebrate it. Here is some brief information on Boxing Day to help you to know more about the holiday.

            Boxing Day is noted as the day following Christmas. It is a holiday tradition that originated in England and is celebrated on December 26^th of each year. Boxing Day is celebrated in nations such as the United Kingdom, Australia, Canada, Germany, Hong Kong, New Zealand and the countries in the Commonwealth of Nations (such as Jamaica) with a mainly Christian population. In South Africa this public holiday is now known as the Day of Goodwill.

Despite its name, Boxing Day, has nothing to do with the physical competition. Nor is it a day for people to return unwanted Christmas presents. Traditionally, this was the day to open the Christmas box to share the contents to the poor. The Christmas box is a wooden or clay container where people placed gifts. The boxes were generally placed in churches where parishioners deposited coins for the poor; these boxes were opened and the contents were distributed on December 26. Christmas boxes were not necessarily made in the shape of a box. Some were hollow clay balls with a slit in the top.

The name ‘Boxing Day’ derives from the Anglo-Saxon tradition of giving seasonal gifts (in the form of a "Christmas box") to less wealthy people and slaves. As time went by, Boxing Day gift giving expanded to include those who had rendered a service during the previous year. This tradition survives today as people give presents to tradesmen, mail carriers, doormen, porters, and others who have helped them.

Boxing Day is also known as St. Stephen’s Day. The Feast of St. Stephen also takes place on December 26. St. Stephen was one of the seven original deacons of the Christian Church who were ordained by the Apostles to care for widows and the poor. For the success of his preaching and his devotion to Christ, St. Stephen was stoned to death by a mob. As he died, he begged God not to punish his killers.

Sources:

http://www.woodlands-junior.kent.sch.uk/customs/Xmas/facts.html

http://www.factmonster.com/spot/boxingday1.html

Jesus is the reason for the season

     Have we all lost the true meaning of Christmas? Christmas was once centred around the birth of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, but has it become so commercialized that all we can think of is the presents and gifts that we receive from out family and friends? It has become more of a commercial empire than a religious observance. Every year we see on television all kind of sales and discounts going on, all kind of parades and kind of traditions that have appeared to exclude Christ from it all. There are also many Christmas special where Santa Claus has become the centre of all the Christmas festivities, so much so that even he once of a figure of Christian charity has become a commercial figure of toy sales and capitalizing on the children market. Did we forget that Christmas is a Christian holiday and that without Christ, there would be no Christmas in the first place?

Now I know we do not know the exact date of Jesus’ birth. I understand that some refuse to celebrate the day due to the associated pagan origins and traditions. And I understand that some of us may not be Christians. However, for those of us who are and for Jamaica as a Christian nation, it is important that we remember where we came from, those who came before us and what has led us here. We do not need a bright star in the sky to tell us Jesus is born, we KNOW! We know that he lived before us and we know what he has done for us. We know he is the greatest symbol of God’s love for us. We all know! So I implore you all that even though many of us may be financially strapped this Christmas, do not say that it’s a bad Christmas. We can all take it as opportunity to celebrate the true meaning behind Christmas and make that tradition forever more. Celebrate him through your actions, through your words, through your thoughts and through your life. We do not need the material things Remember he is the reason for the season! So let’s put ‘Christ’ back in Christmas.

The Start of Something New

So with the start of the New Year, I start I should try and spice up this blog and add new features. So that's what I'm going to do. This first feature is called 'Just didn't make it'. Now what's this all about you ask? Well as some of you may know I'm a writer for the Jamaica Observer so these are basically articles I sent in and that unfortunately didn't make the printing cut. But I am confident in my writings so I thought where best to let my writings show and my articles flow but within my own domain? So sit back, relax and enjoy the show! :D

Confession of a Lonely Hearter-Deuces

Well gentlefolks, I'm back with part 2 of the top dating mistakes that people make. And since I no longer have exams I can do this without any form of guilt. Before I go on can I ask you all a couple questions? How do you like my articles thus far? Do you have any suggestions on topics or ideas you would like me to discuss? Or any suggestions to make it better? Your input would be valued. On a different note…..back to the matters on hand. The dog-eat-dog world of dating is filled with many do's and don'ts for success. And I am here to give you a mere remaining 5 of 10 of the top mistakes made in dating. It is important that one remembers that each person is different and as a result different things and actions may be deal breakers in this dating world so pay attention to these and take your time when getting to know a person. Dating is a learning process and in this process you should learn not only about the other person but also yourself. You should understand who you are, your likes and dislikes and what you find important and value in a relationship. This is the only way you will find what you are looking for when it comes to dating and relationships.

                      

6. Obsessing over details. Now in my opinion is that a worrywart will always be a worrywart. They can't help themselves, it's in their nature. And this is fine. Once you know your character trait, you can work towards making sure that it does not hamper your growth and development. So what makes being a worrywart an issue? When it starts to transcend into your daily life and relationships. You worry about whether or not the person is going to call when they get home, worry about what the other said, worry about if they meant what they said, worry about how long until they find someone else, worry about whether ir not your parents will accept the person and if not, how will you balance the two aspects of your life and so on and so forth. This worrying mentality can seriously hamper any relationship. It takes away from your attractive appeal and let's face it it's a mood killer. There is no use worrying about every aspect of a relationship. If a relationship is meant to be it will be. Que sera sera. Trust in the Lord and the choices he makes. Know that he will guide you to the one.

7. Avoidance of intimacy. The idea of intimacy that I'm referring to is not leaning towards the sexual aspect. I'm not saying to run around kissing and doing the nasty will as many persons as possible. Actually I advise against it. Relationships have become too focused in the physical and not enough on the personality or the overall vibing between you and the person. The avoidance of intimacy I am referring to is the ever growing fear of relationships and making a commitment. This fear was usually attributed to men. If you ever watched the movie 'The Bachelor' well I think that's what it was called, we saw the image of the wild mustang that gets lassoed into marriage. However, this fear is growing in women as well. As a result of this fear, many of us subject ourselves to the 80/20 rule or possibly 60/40. Much of this can be attributed to the current society we are living in. With high divorce rates and the high idealism the we attach to finding the perfect mate, many of us may pass up a 'good catch' and undervalue a great partner because we fear that we may be settling or we may just fear rejection, being hurt or the loss of a relationship that we may not even put the effort in the relationship from the get go. All I can say is 'You never know, if you never try.'

*The 80/20 rule refers to how much effort one puts into a relationship. The aim is not to put too much effort into the relationship, so if the relationship fails you do not get hurt.

8. Rush in, rush out. I'm sure many of us have met those eager beavers. Those overexcited persons who rush into every situation head first and never seem to slow down and think about the possible consequences and repercussions. These reckless lovers always seem to fall in love more quickly than the rest of us and so in, so out. Soon after they profess their undying love, they are out of love (*snap*) just like that. I'm often told my friends that I thought it was unhealthy that some people feel like they always need to be in a relationship. They don't feel complete unless they have someone as their boyfriend or girlfriend. So much so that many tend to have others on stand-by or they are actively looking for someone else whilst in a relationship. Then are those who start planning the wedding from the first date. Both of these are two sides of the same dating mistake coin. Getting overly involved too soon is a big red flag. It can lead to high expectations and great disappointments. In every relationship you need to pace yourself and just try to enjoy and cherish the moments spent together.

                                

9. Not being honest about your needs. It's a great thing to have a positive attitude and to optimistic. What isn't great is when that optimism makes you delusional or even brush issues under the rug. Pretending everything is peachy and right as rain is not ok nonetall. Eventually everything will surface and all that makes for is an even bigger explosion. Assertiveness (not to be confused with being bossy, demanding or domineering) is an essential skill for any mature relationship. One needs to be able to active voice their opinions and concerns to their partner. I believe we are at the age where we should be able to speak to each other about pretty much anything and it not turn into a shout match or a battle of the voices. You need to clearly and confidently speak your needs to your partner; it's the only way they can be met. Being tactful and direct is the quickest path to relationship success.

10. Sacrificing too much to get the relationship. You give give give and what do you get in return? Bupkiss! Nada! Zilch in return! There are many of us who our nature is to put others needs above our own. We are so busy self-sacrificing that we fail to see we are not getting anything in return. There is a word commonly used to describe a person like this, 'DOORMAT'. Just remember when all you do is bend over backwards, in time you will crick your back or even get a spinal injury. Do not undervalue yourself and end up in a situation where you are sacrificing yourself, your needs or your character in order to snag a mate. It's never worth it to lose yourself for ANYONE. A healthy relationship is one between two equals, both giving and receiving in reciprocal fashion. Remember every relationship has its kinks and road bumps but the right one will accept you for who you are; but if the problems outweigh the benefits then it's probably best to slow down, cut it loose or seek third-party help.

Well ladies and gents we have arrived at the end of the common dating mistakes. There may be others but I pretty much covered the basics and the most essential issues of the dating world. Take careful note of yhis advice. It may not be the gospel, but it's some pretty useful stuff. As usual, at the end of any discussion I like to leave you with some wise words from those who have come before me or just a wise saying I may have heard someone in my life say. Today I leave you with 'Remember, we all stumble, every one of us.  That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand.  ~Emily Kimbrough'. Smile and the whole world smiles with you. Enjoy your day. Toodles!!!

Comments, feedback and suggestions are welcomed.

Lonely Hearts Club!!!

Confession of a Lonely Hearter-Take me back to yesteryear

                   

When did life get so complicated? When did things seem so difficult? Does anyone remember a time when our only care in the world was waking up on Saturday mornings to watch cartoons or even just what new lunchkit we wanted to bring to school at the beginning of the school year? Oh yes those were the good old days and then age happens. We get older. Our bones start creaking, schoolwork becomes a hassle and to add to our family life, our religious quest, our academic journey, we have to add the brawta of relationships. Oh relationships what a doozey!!! Now no one can be blamed. We can't help ourselves. I mean we are only human and as humans we are beings of yearning and desire. We yearn fulfillment. We yearn completeness. We yearn that companionship that makes life worth living. We yearn for a better day and a better life. So what is all this ranting leading up to? (Dun dun dun!!!!!)….Top Dating Mistakes. So I realized many of you said that my last note was a wee bit too long (still worth the read though! So go read it!!!) so I have decided to make this a two-part thing in my series of romantic tips and advice. (Again I do not claim to be an expert but hey this beats studying!!! Right Gaweezy? J) In any case let's hop to it people!

1. Game Playing. Now I've had this discussion with my friends many times. The basic theory in this is the person who likes the other more loses and the one who is not as invested wins in the battle of power. So we play games to protect our ego's or just to get what you want. Here's what I say play it STRAIGHT people. Relationships shouldn't be a competition, it should be a compromise. It shouldn't be a survival of the fittest competition, that's what we went through before the relationship. When it comes to dating, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, fears rejection of some sort, so it only makes you human if you do. Conclusion: It's FINE to put your best foot forward, and also be a bit cautious, but have the courage to show who you are. You want someone who wants you for who YOU are!

   
   
   

   
    
2. Talking about your exes. Based on the nature of you relationship, things like this would come up eventually. So don't bring it up, especially not in the initial stages of the relationship. The point is your exes are in the past for a reason so leave them there(unless it is your ex you're trying to restart something with, which is a very tricky thing because if you haven't sorted out the issues you had the first time around, they will still be there the second time therein. Word to the wise: BE CAUTIOUS!!!). Carrying old baggage into a new relationship amounts to clutter. So just try to get to know the person and have a chance for a fresh start sans the baggage.

   
   
   

   
    
3. Ignoring red flags. We all have them. Those little annoying things that make us say 'No! Something is wrong here!' If someone doesn't show up when you're supposed to meet, that's a red flag. If you call them and they are always too busy to take your call, bingo, red flag. Some signals may be a bit more subtle and we may be tempted to overlook them, but whatever it is the red flag is telling you to slow down and take it easy. 'Go easy!' Now I'm not saying that people won't have their character flaws, no one is perfect right? Nor am I saying you should condemned anyone to the pits based on their first mistake or when the first problem arises (unless it's a big one then roast 'em, boil 'em and scorch 'em (eh Anna?). I mean pray for their souls may they see the error of their ways! (yes Sheree you are so right!)). What I am saying is to trust your instincts. An emerging pattern is not something to make excuses for or brush under the rug. Address these problems early, and don't waste your time.
4. Interrogating your date. Imagine this, it's your first date and the trending conversation topic is: "How many children do you want? What's your credit rating? So I did a background check on you and I found out a few things that I would like to clear up before we get married". These are NEVER (I repeat NEVER!) good opening sentences, especially not on the first date. You want to show interest by asking about their likes or dislikes, but not press someone for information. Let things evolve a bit, as you get to know someone. Patience and restraint are required here, even though you may feel pressed for time. Do your best to relax and have fun.
5. Fantasizing about the future. This is especially a problem for females. From a young age, we have been fantasing. Dreams of a fairytale ending and happily ever after. Mrs (so and so). This is cute when we are young and carefree, but it's not cute after the third date. You need to remind yourself to slow down and enjoy the moment. Dating is to be a fun and enjoyable thing. Yes we have hopes that at the end of it we will start a relationship and end in full commitment, but until then we gots to live a little. As I always say (sing rather) 'Someday soon my prince will come but until then I'm gonna have some fun. Gonna dance all night and frolic all day. Got to kiss some frogs before I find the one'. Well I don't plan to kiss frogs, but you get the point. So until you have time to really get to know someone, and see him or her in a wide range of situations, it is helpful to not get ahead of yourself; don't strongly attach to some illusion that you have created about the person. This can lead to pitfalls of setting up unrealistic expectations and subsequent disillusionment, or depression if the relationship doesn't work out.

Well as usual I like to end my notes with a little inspirational quote so here goes…. 1 Corinthians 6 v 12 states, "Everything is permissible for me, but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible for me, but I will not be mastered by anything. If we are not sure that our actions are permissible by God then maybe we shouldn't even bother with it!" So in layman's terms we all have gut instincts that tell us when the person we are considering is not right for us. Listen to yourself and make the right and best decisions for you. Have a great day. If you're alive you already are. Toodles!!!

Comments, feedback and suggestions are welcomed.

 

Lonely Hearts Club!!!

Confession of a Lonely Hearter-The Single Girl Diaries: Single Maven Haven

So the next topic up for discussion is………….. (drum roll please!!!) How to know you have got a keeper!!! Now I know what you're probably thinking. Whoa there Nella!!! Slow your roll!! I think you are getting a bit ahead of yourself there. Well you may be right but if you remember my first article, I mentioned things about taking an interest in friend or seeing someone in a different light. Dating around and possibly taking an interest in someone. All that good stuff! Either way, there will be a time that we enter into relationships and there will be a time we will want figure out if the person is worth the hassle. Who knows some of us may be closer than we think. We never know what God has in store for us. And we also welcome people in relationships to read as well.

Now isn't it amazing how the times have changed. At our ages many of our parents were in long term relationships, married and settling on having a family already. Boy the times have really changed! Now I'm not saying we should all get married now. NO!!!!!! I mean especially not in this day and age. Too many people get married far too young and all for the wrong reasons. Not to mention the word marriage has been used so loosely around here. You're in a relationship for couple months and all of a sudden your facebook status changes to married. Worse you make it to a year, 2 years or more. Now I'm not chastising anyone I mean come on people I'm one of those who have had so many husbands (real and fake relationships) and not to mention my infamous husband and future husbands lists so who am I to complain about people's choice words. (On that note big up all my husbands and future husbands. You all rock!!!!!!!!) All I am saying is a dating revolution is starting (or should start soon) in Jamaica and I want to help you to get the most out of it. (Note: I do not claim to be an expert but my quest for unrequisited love and my love of helping people has brought me to you Lonely Hearters. Plus, I like to research these things and came across a few points I think would help.) Now on to the meat of the matter.

10 Signs You've Got A Keeper

1. He/she is willing to put you first.
   
   In this day and age, it's so easy for us to be selfish. I want someone who is like this or like that. I want this not that. Picky picky picky. That sometimes we forget that a big part of relationships involves sacrifice and compromise. If you find someone who is willing to put you first, make you top priority in decisions they make and include you in daily routines and decision making then it's safe to say you've got a keeper and this person is truly committed to you.
   
   
2. He/she is there for you in a crisis.
   
    Whether it be the death of a family member or pet, failing a test or exam or just an argument with your parents or friends, if you find a person who is willing to listen to your whoas and fears, hold your hand or give you a hug through your darkest hours then………Can I have him? Because I would really want one of those! J/K (not about the qualities though)………you have a keeper on your hands. Just as long as when the going gets tough, he doesn't gets going, in the words of Elephant man 'You're good to go!'
   
    
3. He/she appreciates your quirks.
   
   Admit it people we all have goofy things about us. Whether it be a funny way we pronounce a word, crinkle our nose when we are cold, eating peanut butter straight from the jar using a spoon or how annoyed we get when a fly flies around you or someone skips you in the line. It's those little crazy things that make us special. The person for you will accept and even cherish the good, the bad and the annoying in you. You may not be perfect, but you are perfect for them. He/she likes you just the way you are!
4. He/ she shows you how much they care. 
   
   Confessions of the heart are not only shown through our words but also our actions. One of the most important aspects of a relationship is how your chosen partner treats you. Now, I'm not saying that you need to give or receive expensive gifts or to go on trips to Paris and Spain. As good as that all sounds to some, you can show you care just by a simple phone call to see if the other is ok, a motivational word to keep you going when you feel down, a nice poem or song to show how you feel or a goofy text message just to make them smile during stressful times. These all show how much you truly care about the person. If you have someone who does this, then again……….. Can I please have me one of those? I mean come on I said please! (smiles). Jokes aside, hold onto that one.
   
   
    
5. He/she is kind
   
   You know the age-old saying "Actions speaks louder than words", well this is true when it comes to relationships. A keeper is someone who is an all around nice person. Whether it be to parents, children, pets, the roadside vendor, the homeless person on the street or the random stranger who walks by, you want someone who shows respect to everyone and everything. As alluring as bad boys and girls seem, they are bad for a reason, will probably never change and it will only lead to heartbreak in the end. A person can be nice and still be strong and not a wimp( if that's what you view nice people as). Just remember the nice guy doesn't always have to finish last.
   
   
6. He/she's consistent
   
   While people tend to be somewhat dynamic beings and change overtime (even though I believe your most basic and baseline qualities remain the same), it is important to have some sort of consistency in your life. Not I did not say PREDICTABLE but I rather am steering you towards the realm of finding someone who is RELIABLE. You want someone you can depend on, someone you can trust, someone who is not a flip flop (like the PNP called Bruce just throwing that in there J) and someone who's word is as strong as oak. In previous times, a person's word and handshake was all that was needed to bind an agreement, that's what you want in a person (well maybe the person's word with a hug and a kiss would do the trick). Once you find a person like that, you know you've got a keeper.
   
   
    
7. He/she wants to spend time with you (and possibly even of thoughts of your future together)
   
   This is a big point for me as a med student. Time! Boy o boy! A relationship problem generally arises when the plans that we have for each other do not coincide or mesh. You want to spend every waking hour with the person. The person wants some space. (Side note: Do not be clingy! Everyone needs a little breathing room in life.) But if you find someone who is willing to spend as much of their time with you as they can, then you have a keeper. This person obviously cares enough to want you around and share cherished memories with you.
   
    
8. He/she can handle your emotions
   
   Well it's safe to say when it comes to emotions, women have got men beat. Females are definitely not afraid to throw a hissy fit, breakdown and cry or laugh until they snort when the time comes. While on the flip side, guys never want to express their feelings when they have issues. So if you have found the person who accepts you for your emotional or seemingly emotionless ways ('emotionless façade'), then hold on to him/her. The right fit will be able to handle it all. And don't worry ladies. He'll talk to you eventually when he becomes more settled.
   
   
    
9. He/she fights fair
   
   When you spend enough time with someone and know them long enough, you tend to have an idea of what drives them wild and what gets them upset. Take your hand off the trigger and take the time to listen. How a person handles a conflict, says as much about their character as how they behave during their good moments. You want someone who listens to you and can accept your constructive (not destructive) criticisms when the time comes and not throw back issues of the past in your face, and that's just what the right fit will do.
   
    
10. He/ she is a grown up
    
     Let's face it people, despite how dependent most of us are on our parents, according to the law we are adults. Oy vey!!! This means that we have gained certain responsibilities in life. Well the same applies for relationships. As young adults, we have certain responsibilities to ourselves and our partners. I believe much of that responsibility can be covered in three words. The first is COMMUNICATION. We should be able to speak with our partner on any issue good, bad, intriguing or silly. There should be nothing in the world that you cannot talk about. Think of a game of Chinese telephone when there is a breakdown in communication, the message always gets lost along the way and a new one formed based on interpretation of the previous message. Do not leave anything up to interpretation, speak your mind. The next is TRUST. If you can truly trust someone in a relationship then you will be secure and not have to worry about what he/she is doing on a daily basis. This leads to my final HONESTY. Honesty is always the best policy. Now you do not have to be brutally honest, but you can be tactfully honest. Tell the person the truth in the best and most sincere way possible. Engage in truthful and open discussions about life and other issues you may be facing. Remember no one is a minder reader so if you are not honest about your feelings, the other will not know. 

Well that's all I have for now folks. This is what I came up with when I should have been studying for my exams. J If you have someone like that then BIG UP YOURSELF!!! I just hope everyone is taking note of what I said. Especially if my Mr. Right somehow manages to see this or my husband-to-be stumbles across it or has been tagged to the note (hint hint), then at least you have some good reference to work with. (P.S. If you've found someone who you think would fit the bill for me, you can send him my way or if you think you fit the description, then link me! Wink wink! Nudge nudge! Lol. J/k *whispers* seriously message me if you have). Hope you have had a wonderful day thus far and if not, things always get better. Things always get better in the end. If it's not better then it's not the end. Toodles!!!

Comments, feedback and suggestions are welcomed.

Lonely Hearts Club!!!