Confession of a Lonely Hearter-Take me back to yesteryear

                   

When did life get so complicated? When did things seem so difficult? Does anyone remember a time when our only care in the world was waking up on Saturday mornings to watch cartoons or even just what new lunchkit we wanted to bring to school at the beginning of the school year? Oh yes those were the good old days and then age happens. We get older. Our bones start creaking, schoolwork becomes a hassle and to add to our family life, our religious quest, our academic journey, we have to add the brawta of relationships. Oh relationships what a doozey!!! Now no one can be blamed. We can't help ourselves. I mean we are only human and as humans we are beings of yearning and desire. We yearn fulfillment. We yearn completeness. We yearn that companionship that makes life worth living. We yearn for a better day and a better life. So what is all this ranting leading up to? (Dun dun dun!!!!!)….Top Dating Mistakes. So I realized many of you said that my last note was a wee bit too long (still worth the read though! So go read it!!!) so I have decided to make this a two-part thing in my series of romantic tips and advice. (Again I do not claim to be an expert but hey this beats studying!!! Right Gaweezy? J) In any case let's hop to it people!

1. Game Playing. Now I've had this discussion with my friends many times. The basic theory in this is the person who likes the other more loses and the one who is not as invested wins in the battle of power. So we play games to protect our ego's or just to get what you want. Here's what I say play it STRAIGHT people. Relationships shouldn't be a competition, it should be a compromise. It shouldn't be a survival of the fittest competition, that's what we went through before the relationship. When it comes to dating, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, fears rejection of some sort, so it only makes you human if you do. Conclusion: It's FINE to put your best foot forward, and also be a bit cautious, but have the courage to show who you are. You want someone who wants you for who YOU are!

   
   
   

   
    
2. Talking about your exes. Based on the nature of you relationship, things like this would come up eventually. So don't bring it up, especially not in the initial stages of the relationship. The point is your exes are in the past for a reason so leave them there(unless it is your ex you're trying to restart something with, which is a very tricky thing because if you haven't sorted out the issues you had the first time around, they will still be there the second time therein. Word to the wise: BE CAUTIOUS!!!). Carrying old baggage into a new relationship amounts to clutter. So just try to get to know the person and have a chance for a fresh start sans the baggage.

   
   
   

   
    
3. Ignoring red flags. We all have them. Those little annoying things that make us say 'No! Something is wrong here!' If someone doesn't show up when you're supposed to meet, that's a red flag. If you call them and they are always too busy to take your call, bingo, red flag. Some signals may be a bit more subtle and we may be tempted to overlook them, but whatever it is the red flag is telling you to slow down and take it easy. 'Go easy!' Now I'm not saying that people won't have their character flaws, no one is perfect right? Nor am I saying you should condemned anyone to the pits based on their first mistake or when the first problem arises (unless it's a big one then roast 'em, boil 'em and scorch 'em (eh Anna?). I mean pray for their souls may they see the error of their ways! (yes Sheree you are so right!)). What I am saying is to trust your instincts. An emerging pattern is not something to make excuses for or brush under the rug. Address these problems early, and don't waste your time.
4. Interrogating your date. Imagine this, it's your first date and the trending conversation topic is: "How many children do you want? What's your credit rating? So I did a background check on you and I found out a few things that I would like to clear up before we get married". These are NEVER (I repeat NEVER!) good opening sentences, especially not on the first date. You want to show interest by asking about their likes or dislikes, but not press someone for information. Let things evolve a bit, as you get to know someone. Patience and restraint are required here, even though you may feel pressed for time. Do your best to relax and have fun.
5. Fantasizing about the future. This is especially a problem for females. From a young age, we have been fantasing. Dreams of a fairytale ending and happily ever after. Mrs (so and so). This is cute when we are young and carefree, but it's not cute after the third date. You need to remind yourself to slow down and enjoy the moment. Dating is to be a fun and enjoyable thing. Yes we have hopes that at the end of it we will start a relationship and end in full commitment, but until then we gots to live a little. As I always say (sing rather) 'Someday soon my prince will come but until then I'm gonna have some fun. Gonna dance all night and frolic all day. Got to kiss some frogs before I find the one'. Well I don't plan to kiss frogs, but you get the point. So until you have time to really get to know someone, and see him or her in a wide range of situations, it is helpful to not get ahead of yourself; don't strongly attach to some illusion that you have created about the person. This can lead to pitfalls of setting up unrealistic expectations and subsequent disillusionment, or depression if the relationship doesn't work out.

Well as usual I like to end my notes with a little inspirational quote so here goes…. 1 Corinthians 6 v 12 states, "Everything is permissible for me, but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible for me, but I will not be mastered by anything. If we are not sure that our actions are permissible by God then maybe we shouldn't even bother with it!" So in layman's terms we all have gut instincts that tell us when the person we are considering is not right for us. Listen to yourself and make the right and best decisions for you. Have a great day. If you're alive you already are. Toodles!!!

Comments, feedback and suggestions are welcomed.

 

Lonely Hearts Club!!!

Confession of a Lonely Hearter-The Single Girl Diaries: Single Maven Haven

So the next topic up for discussion is………….. (drum roll please!!!) How to know you have got a keeper!!! Now I know what you're probably thinking. Whoa there Nella!!! Slow your roll!! I think you are getting a bit ahead of yourself there. Well you may be right but if you remember my first article, I mentioned things about taking an interest in friend or seeing someone in a different light. Dating around and possibly taking an interest in someone. All that good stuff! Either way, there will be a time that we enter into relationships and there will be a time we will want figure out if the person is worth the hassle. Who knows some of us may be closer than we think. We never know what God has in store for us. And we also welcome people in relationships to read as well.

Now isn't it amazing how the times have changed. At our ages many of our parents were in long term relationships, married and settling on having a family already. Boy the times have really changed! Now I'm not saying we should all get married now. NO!!!!!! I mean especially not in this day and age. Too many people get married far too young and all for the wrong reasons. Not to mention the word marriage has been used so loosely around here. You're in a relationship for couple months and all of a sudden your facebook status changes to married. Worse you make it to a year, 2 years or more. Now I'm not chastising anyone I mean come on people I'm one of those who have had so many husbands (real and fake relationships) and not to mention my infamous husband and future husbands lists so who am I to complain about people's choice words. (On that note big up all my husbands and future husbands. You all rock!!!!!!!!) All I am saying is a dating revolution is starting (or should start soon) in Jamaica and I want to help you to get the most out of it. (Note: I do not claim to be an expert but my quest for unrequisited love and my love of helping people has brought me to you Lonely Hearters. Plus, I like to research these things and came across a few points I think would help.) Now on to the meat of the matter.

10 Signs You've Got A Keeper

1. He/she is willing to put you first.
   
   In this day and age, it's so easy for us to be selfish. I want someone who is like this or like that. I want this not that. Picky picky picky. That sometimes we forget that a big part of relationships involves sacrifice and compromise. If you find someone who is willing to put you first, make you top priority in decisions they make and include you in daily routines and decision making then it's safe to say you've got a keeper and this person is truly committed to you.
   
   
2. He/she is there for you in a crisis.
   
    Whether it be the death of a family member or pet, failing a test or exam or just an argument with your parents or friends, if you find a person who is willing to listen to your whoas and fears, hold your hand or give you a hug through your darkest hours then………Can I have him? Because I would really want one of those! J/K (not about the qualities though)………you have a keeper on your hands. Just as long as when the going gets tough, he doesn't gets going, in the words of Elephant man 'You're good to go!'
   
    
3. He/she appreciates your quirks.
   
   Admit it people we all have goofy things about us. Whether it be a funny way we pronounce a word, crinkle our nose when we are cold, eating peanut butter straight from the jar using a spoon or how annoyed we get when a fly flies around you or someone skips you in the line. It's those little crazy things that make us special. The person for you will accept and even cherish the good, the bad and the annoying in you. You may not be perfect, but you are perfect for them. He/she likes you just the way you are!
4. He/ she shows you how much they care. 
   
   Confessions of the heart are not only shown through our words but also our actions. One of the most important aspects of a relationship is how your chosen partner treats you. Now, I'm not saying that you need to give or receive expensive gifts or to go on trips to Paris and Spain. As good as that all sounds to some, you can show you care just by a simple phone call to see if the other is ok, a motivational word to keep you going when you feel down, a nice poem or song to show how you feel or a goofy text message just to make them smile during stressful times. These all show how much you truly care about the person. If you have someone who does this, then again……….. Can I please have me one of those? I mean come on I said please! (smiles). Jokes aside, hold onto that one.
   
   
    
5. He/she is kind
   
   You know the age-old saying "Actions speaks louder than words", well this is true when it comes to relationships. A keeper is someone who is an all around nice person. Whether it be to parents, children, pets, the roadside vendor, the homeless person on the street or the random stranger who walks by, you want someone who shows respect to everyone and everything. As alluring as bad boys and girls seem, they are bad for a reason, will probably never change and it will only lead to heartbreak in the end. A person can be nice and still be strong and not a wimp( if that's what you view nice people as). Just remember the nice guy doesn't always have to finish last.
   
   
6. He/she's consistent
   
   While people tend to be somewhat dynamic beings and change overtime (even though I believe your most basic and baseline qualities remain the same), it is important to have some sort of consistency in your life. Not I did not say PREDICTABLE but I rather am steering you towards the realm of finding someone who is RELIABLE. You want someone you can depend on, someone you can trust, someone who is not a flip flop (like the PNP called Bruce just throwing that in there J) and someone who's word is as strong as oak. In previous times, a person's word and handshake was all that was needed to bind an agreement, that's what you want in a person (well maybe the person's word with a hug and a kiss would do the trick). Once you find a person like that, you know you've got a keeper.
   
   
    
7. He/she wants to spend time with you (and possibly even of thoughts of your future together)
   
   This is a big point for me as a med student. Time! Boy o boy! A relationship problem generally arises when the plans that we have for each other do not coincide or mesh. You want to spend every waking hour with the person. The person wants some space. (Side note: Do not be clingy! Everyone needs a little breathing room in life.) But if you find someone who is willing to spend as much of their time with you as they can, then you have a keeper. This person obviously cares enough to want you around and share cherished memories with you.
   
    
8. He/she can handle your emotions
   
   Well it's safe to say when it comes to emotions, women have got men beat. Females are definitely not afraid to throw a hissy fit, breakdown and cry or laugh until they snort when the time comes. While on the flip side, guys never want to express their feelings when they have issues. So if you have found the person who accepts you for your emotional or seemingly emotionless ways ('emotionless façade'), then hold on to him/her. The right fit will be able to handle it all. And don't worry ladies. He'll talk to you eventually when he becomes more settled.
   
   
    
9. He/she fights fair
   
   When you spend enough time with someone and know them long enough, you tend to have an idea of what drives them wild and what gets them upset. Take your hand off the trigger and take the time to listen. How a person handles a conflict, says as much about their character as how they behave during their good moments. You want someone who listens to you and can accept your constructive (not destructive) criticisms when the time comes and not throw back issues of the past in your face, and that's just what the right fit will do.
   
    
10. He/ she is a grown up
    
     Let's face it people, despite how dependent most of us are on our parents, according to the law we are adults. Oy vey!!! This means that we have gained certain responsibilities in life. Well the same applies for relationships. As young adults, we have certain responsibilities to ourselves and our partners. I believe much of that responsibility can be covered in three words. The first is COMMUNICATION. We should be able to speak with our partner on any issue good, bad, intriguing or silly. There should be nothing in the world that you cannot talk about. Think of a game of Chinese telephone when there is a breakdown in communication, the message always gets lost along the way and a new one formed based on interpretation of the previous message. Do not leave anything up to interpretation, speak your mind. The next is TRUST. If you can truly trust someone in a relationship then you will be secure and not have to worry about what he/she is doing on a daily basis. This leads to my final HONESTY. Honesty is always the best policy. Now you do not have to be brutally honest, but you can be tactfully honest. Tell the person the truth in the best and most sincere way possible. Engage in truthful and open discussions about life and other issues you may be facing. Remember no one is a minder reader so if you are not honest about your feelings, the other will not know. 

Well that's all I have for now folks. This is what I came up with when I should have been studying for my exams. J If you have someone like that then BIG UP YOURSELF!!! I just hope everyone is taking note of what I said. Especially if my Mr. Right somehow manages to see this or my husband-to-be stumbles across it or has been tagged to the note (hint hint), then at least you have some good reference to work with. (P.S. If you've found someone who you think would fit the bill for me, you can send him my way or if you think you fit the description, then link me! Wink wink! Nudge nudge! Lol. J/k *whispers* seriously message me if you have). Hope you have had a wonderful day thus far and if not, things always get better. Things always get better in the end. If it's not better then it's not the end. Toodles!!!

Comments, feedback and suggestions are welcomed.

Lonely Hearts Club!!! 

Confession of a Lonely Hearter-The Single Girl Diaries

Starting on a high, I thought I would continue with my writing and become the official writer and blogger for LHC! :)

So in my quest for unrequisited love I seem to have hit speed bumps, pot holes and what can only be referred to as swimming pools based on the magnitude of the situation. But always a positive Sally I’ve decided to try and look on the brighter side of life and look for my fellow Lonely Hearters for support when things look rough. So I was checking out another blog the other day. I really like it and on the blog the writer decided to write a list of why guys should dater and I thought I should follow suit and tweak it a little. This list isn't focused on dating or relationships or why guys should want to date me but it just a list of reasons why I totally rock. Especially, being a single gal during the holiday season, it is important to think of all the good things that make you great rather than looking at all the couples making googly eyes at each other. Just remember your day will come but until then enjoy your simple life as it is, because relationships are very complicated and tend to be more hassle than their worth with the wrong person.

1) I am totally CUTE and BEA-UTIFUL. I am a very short, very adorable and very beautiful girl and I am sure most people would totally agree that I am really cute!

2) I am FUNNY. Did I ever tell you that I was a superhero? Well I am. And besides having dazzling good looks of a superhero, I have this amazing power to make people laugh. A few moments with me and you will be cracking up. Tee hee hee!

3) I am SMART. So I may not be genius or child prodigy smart but I am pretty smart myself. I do pretty well in school and I'm pretty aware of what's going on in the world around me so I make a great conversationalist.

4) I like SPORTS. This should totally be a turn on for guys who love sports. Not only do I like to watch sports but I'm not afraid to get down and dirty with the boys (even when I totally suck at the sport, it just makes me even cuter and even more attractive). I may not be the best athlete nor the fittest girl on the lot but it's pretty fun to play.

5) I am totally DOWN TO EARTH. I am not one of those girls with my head in the clouds or who is stuck up or snobby. I am a pretty cool chica and I pretty much am a great person to be around. I'm not saying that I don't have my ditzy moments but those just add to my charm and make me rock even more. Plus I am not afraid to laugh at myself, which definitely add to my awesome appeal.

6) I love to HAVE FUN. I love to go out, hang with friends, go to parties, dance, go to the movies, I am pretty game for having fun. So let's get on the fun-mobile and let the merriment begin.

7) I'm SHORT (ahem FUNSIZED). Now what significance does being short have? A whole lot I believe. I think people, especially guys are pretty attracted to the fact that I'm short. You know boys have that want-to-be your protector instinct that just draws them to me and overall people just enjoy my shortness. Sometimes I think they enjoy it a bit too much!

8) I am FUN TO BE AROUND. Are you having a bad day? Do you feel like no one in the world cares about you? Well you are wrong. With me around I will always be there to cheer you up and make you feel good. I'm totally fun to be around, you will be so drunk on merriment you won't know how you survived without me! :-) Being around me is guaranteed to be one big old bag of fun!

9) I am a GREAT FRIEND. I am definitely a great friend. Just ask any of my friends. I'm honest, trustworthy,  there for you in your darkest hours, will listen to your problems and give muy excellente advice. With a friend like me you know that you will always have someone who is there for you and cares for you. Trust me guaranteed short girl seal of approval.

10) I know HOW TO TREAT 'EM. I have respect for everyone, no matter the differences between us and as a result I treat people with the respect and dignity  they deserve. I am truly blessed and fortunate to live life as I do, but that does not give me the right nor anyone else for that matter to treat people badly because they are not as fortunate as I am or others are. This mantra has brought me through life and has made me the person I am today.

Plus I know how to treat the fellas great as well. Having me around is pure bliss! Not saying I don't have my moody days but with a love like this who will even notice! :-D

Well we've reach the end folks. These are only a few of the reasons I am totally AWESOME, totally ROCK and I am definitely HOT STUFF! As I always say, 'To know me is to love me!' :-D Have a good night and I hope you enjoyed it all! I implore you to write your own list too and just look at it every now and again to remind yourself of how great you truly are!!!!  Toodles!!!

Comments, feedback and suggestions are welcomed.

Lonely Hearts Club!!!

World AIDS Day

World AIDS Day

Started on 1st December 1988 by the World Health Organization , World AIDS Day is about raising money, increasing awareness, fighting prejudice and improving education on the issue of the AIDS pandemic caused by the HIV infection. Observed on December 1^st each year, the World AIDS Campaign is the leading international organization which plans and implements the observance and provides governments, national AIDS programs, faith organizations, community organizations, and individuals with an opportunity to raise awareness and focus attention on the global AIDS pandemic. The Red Ribbon used is the global symbol for solidarity with HIV-positive people and those living with AIDS.

The World AIDS Day theme for 2010 is 'Universal Access and Human Rights'. This theme is designed to encourage political leaders to keep their commitment to achieve universal access to HIV/AIDS prevention, treatment, care, and support, recognising these as fundamental human rights. World AIDS Day is important for reminding people that HIV has not gone away, and that there are many things still to be done.

According to UNAIDS estimates, there are now 33.3 million people living with HIV, including 2.5 million children. During 2009 some 2.6 million people became newly infected with the virus and an estimated 1.8 million people died from AIDS. Despite recent, improved access to antiretroviral treatment and care in many regions of the world, the AIDS epidemic claimed an estimated 2 million lives in 2007, of which about 270,000 were children. The vast majority of people with HIV and AIDS live in lower- and middle-income countries. But HIV today is a threat to men, women and children on all continents around the world. In low- and middle-income countries, less than half of those in need of antiretroviral therapy are receiving it, and too many do not have access to adequate care services.

One of the regions of the world that is most affected by the HIV/AIDS pandemic is the Caribbean. At the end of 2008, an estimated 240,000 people were living with HIV and AIDS in the Caribbean. Some 20,000 people were newly infected during 2008, and there were 12,000 deaths due to AIDS.

In two countries in this region - the Bahamas and Haiti - more than 2% of the adult population is living with HIV. Higher prevalence rates are found only in sub-Saharan Africa, making the Caribbean the second-most affected region in the world. Half of adults living with the virus are women.

Overall, the main route of HIV transmission in the Caribbean is through sexual intercourse. Much of this transmission is associated with commercial sex, but the virus is also spreading in the general population. Cultural and behavioural patterns (such as early initiation of sexual acts, and taboos related to sex and sexuality), gender inequalities, lack of confidentiality, stigmatization and economic need are some of the factors influencing vulnerability to HIV and AIDS in the Caribbean. As a result, AIDS is now one of the leading causes of death in some of these countries, with Haiti being the worst affected. An estimated 7,500 lives are lost each year to AIDS in Haiti, and thousands of children have been orphaned by the epidemic.

Estimated HIV/AIDS prevalence and deaths in the Caribbean, 2007

Population, 2008	41,000,000
People living with HIV/AIDS, 2007	230,000
Women (aged 15+) with HIV/AIDS, 2007	110,000
Children with HIV/AIDS, 2007	11,000
Adults and children newly infected with HIV	17,000
Adult HIV prevalence (%), 2007	1.1
AIDS deaths, 2007	14,000

* Statistics from UNAIDS

Estimated HIV/AIDS prevalence and deaths in the Caribbean, 2007

Country	Estimated number of people living with HIV/AIDS (Adults and Children)
Bahamas	6,200
Barbados	2,200
Cuba	6,200
Dominican Republic	62, 000
Haiti	120, 000
Jamaica	27, 000
Trinidad and Tobago	14, 000

* Statistics from UNAIDS

Take Action

The AIDS pandemic is one that cannot be ignored and as such, we as teenagers need to respond to it and take some initiative to promote awareness and proper health practices in society. There are many ways you can take action in response to HIV/AIDS; these include:

o get tested for HIV

o practice safer methods to prevent HIV

o decide not to engage in high risk behaviours

o talk about HIV prevention with family, friends, and colleagues

o provide support to people living with HIV/AIDS

o get involved with or host an event for World AIDS Day in your community

Sources:

http://www.avert.org/caribbean.htm

http://www.hhs.gov/aidsawarenessdays/days/world/

http://www.worldaidscampaign.org

http://hivinsite.ucsf.edu/global?page=cr02-00-00

http://data.unaids.org/pub/GlobalReport/2008/jc1510_2008_global_report_pp211_234_en.pdf

Baker's Dozen

More bakertastic goodies!!!!!!!!! :-) Poetry, stories and other writings coming soon!!!

More baker's genes!!!

Cooking and Baking Fever