So the next topic up for discussion is………….. (drum roll please!!!) How to know you have got a keeper!!! Now I know what you're probably thinking. Whoa there Nella!!! Slow your roll!! I think you are getting a bit ahead of yourself there. Well you may be right but if you remember my first article, I mentioned things about taking an interest in friend or seeing someone in a different light. Dating around and possibly taking an interest in someone. All that good stuff! Either way, there will be a time that we enter into relationships and there will be a time we will want figure out if the person is worth the hassle. Who knows some of us may be closer than we think. We never know what God has in store for us. And we also welcome people in relationships to read as well.
Now isn't it amazing how the times have changed. At our ages many of our parents were in long term relationships, married and settling on having a family already. Boy the times have really changed! Now I'm not saying we should all get married now. NO!!!!!! I mean especially not in this day and age. Too many people get married far too young and all for the wrong reasons. Not to mention the word marriage has been used so loosely around here. You're in a relationship for couple months and all of a sudden your facebook status changes to married. Worse you make it to a year, 2 years or more. Now I'm not chastising anyone I mean come on people I'm one of those who have had so many husbands (real and fake relationships) and not to mention my infamous husband and future husbands lists so who am I to complain about people's choice words. (On that note big up all my husbands and future husbands. You all rock!!!!!!!!) All I am saying is a dating revolution is starting (or should start soon) in Jamaica and I want to help you to get the most out of it. (Note: I do not claim to be an expert but my quest for unrequisited love and my love of helping people has brought me to you Lonely Hearters. Plus, I like to research these things and came across a few points I think would help.) Now on to the meat of the matter.
10 Signs You've Got A Keeper
- He/she is willing to put you first.
In this day and age, it's so easy for us to be selfish. I want someone who is like this or like that. I want this not that. Picky picky picky. That sometimes we forget that a big part of relationships involves sacrifice and compromise. If you find someone who is willing to put you first, make you top priority in decisions they make and include you in daily routines and decision making then it's safe to say you've got a keeper and this person is truly committed to you. - He/she is there for you in a crisis.
Whether it be the death of a family member or pet, failing a test or exam or just an argument with your parents or friends, if you find a person who is willing to listen to your whoas and fears, hold your hand or give you a hug through your darkest hours then………Can I have him? Because I would really want one of those! J/K (not about the qualities though)………you have a keeper on your hands. Just as long as when the going gets tough, he doesn't gets going, in the words of Elephant man 'You're good to go!'
- He/she appreciates your quirks.
Admit it people we all have goofy things about us. Whether it be a funny way we pronounce a word, crinkle our nose when we are cold, eating peanut butter straight from the jar using a spoon or how annoyed we get when a fly flies around you or someone skips you in the line. It's those little crazy things that make us special. The person for you will accept and even cherish the good, the bad and the annoying in you. You may not be perfect, but you are perfect for them. He/she likes you just the way you are! - He/ she shows you how much they care.
Confessions of the heart are not only shown through our words but also our actions. One of the most important aspects of a relationship is how your chosen partner treats you. Now, I'm not saying that you need to give or receive expensive gifts or to go on trips to Paris and Spain. As good as that all sounds to some, you can show you care just by a simple phone call to see if the other is ok, a motivational word to keep you going when you feel down, a nice poem or song to show how you feel or a goofy text message just to make them smile during stressful times. These all show how much you truly care about the person. If you have someone who does this, then again……….. Can I please have me one of those? I mean come on I said please! (smiles). Jokes aside, hold onto that one.
- He/she is kind
You know the age-old saying "Actions speaks louder than words", well this is true when it comes to relationships. A keeper is someone who is an all around nice person. Whether it be to parents, children, pets, the roadside vendor, the homeless person on the street or the random stranger who walks by, you want someone who shows respect to everyone and everything. As alluring as bad boys and girls seem, they are bad for a reason, will probably never change and it will only lead to heartbreak in the end. A person can be nice and still be strong and not a wimp( if that's what you view nice people as). Just remember the nice guy doesn't always have to finish last. - He/she's consistent
While people tend to be somewhat dynamic beings and change overtime (even though I believe your most basic and baseline qualities remain the same), it is important to have some sort of consistency in your life. Not I did not say PREDICTABLE but I rather am steering you towards the realm of finding someone who is RELIABLE. You want someone you can depend on, someone you can trust, someone who is not a flip flop (like the PNP called Bruce just throwing that in there J) and someone who's word is as strong as oak. In previous times, a person's word and handshake was all that was needed to bind an agreement, that's what you want in a person (well maybe the person's word with a hug and a kiss would do the trick). Once you find a person like that, you know you've got a keeper.
- He/she wants to spend time with you (and possibly even of thoughts of your future together)
This is a big point for me as a med student. Time! Boy o boy! A relationship problem generally arises when the plans that we have for each other do not coincide or mesh. You want to spend every waking hour with the person. The person wants some space. (Side note: Do not be clingy! Everyone needs a little breathing room in life.) But if you find someone who is willing to spend as much of their time with you as they can, then you have a keeper. This person obviously cares enough to want you around and share cherished memories with you.
- He/she can handle your emotions
Well it's safe to say when it comes to emotions, women have got men beat. Females are definitely not afraid to throw a hissy fit, breakdown and cry or laugh until they snort when the time comes. While on the flip side, guys never want to express their feelings when they have issues. So if you have found the person who accepts you for your emotional or seemingly emotionless ways ('emotionless façade'), then hold on to him/her. The right fit will be able to handle it all. And don't worry ladies. He'll talk to you eventually when he becomes more settled.
- He/she fights fair
When you spend enough time with someone and know them long enough, you tend to have an idea of what drives them wild and what gets them upset. Take your hand off the trigger and take the time to listen. How a person handles a conflict, says as much about their character as how they behave during their good moments. You want someone who listens to you and can accept your constructive (not destructive) criticisms when the time comes and not throw back issues of the past in your face, and that's just what the right fit will do.
- He/ she is a grown up
Let's face it people, despite how dependent most of us are on our parents, according to the law we are adults. Oy vey!!! This means that we have gained certain responsibilities in life. Well the same applies for relationships. As young adults, we have certain responsibilities to ourselves and our partners. I believe much of that responsibility can be covered in three words. The first is COMMUNICATION. We should be able to speak with our partner on any issue good, bad, intriguing or silly. There should be nothing in the world that you cannot talk about. Think of a game of Chinese telephone when there is a breakdown in communication, the message always gets lost along the way and a new one formed based on interpretation of the previous message. Do not leave anything up to interpretation, speak your mind. The next is TRUST. If you can truly trust someone in a relationship then you will be secure and not have to worry about what he/she is doing on a daily basis. This leads to my final HONESTY. Honesty is always the best policy. Now you do not have to be brutally honest, but you can be tactfully honest. Tell the person the truth in the best and most sincere way possible. Engage in truthful and open discussions about life and other issues you may be facing. Remember no one is a minder reader so if you are not honest about your feelings, the other will not know.
Well that's all I have for now folks. This is what I came up with when I should have been studying for my exams. J If you have someone like that then BIG UP YOURSELF!!! I just hope everyone is taking note of what I said. Especially if my Mr. Right somehow manages to see this or my husband-to-be stumbles across it or has been tagged to the note (hint hint), then at least you have some good reference to work with. (P.S. If you've found someone who you think would fit the bill for me, you can send him my way or if you think you fit the description, then link me! Wink wink! Nudge nudge! Lol. J/k *whispers* seriously message me if you have). Hope you have had a wonderful day thus far and if not, things always get better. Things always get better in the end. If it's not better then it's not the end. Toodles!!!
Comments, feedback and suggestions are welcomed.
Lonely Hearts Club!!!
